The Problem With Cellphones
Why Read This
What Makes This Article Worth Your Time
Summary
What This Article Is About
Couples therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw observes a pattern during her Mexican vacation: couples everywhere are absorbed in their phones, even in paradise. Her initial judgment quickly transforms into self-reflection when she realizes she’d likely behave the same way if her phone hadn’t died. Through watching beach cabanas and cafés, Earnshaw notices something unexpected—people on phones aren’t necessarily disengaged. She sees partners caring for each other, sharing content, and holding hands while scrolling.
This observation challenges her one-size-fits-all beliefs about cellphone use in relationships. Earnshaw argues that phone use frequently causes friction in couples therapy, but the problem isn’t fully defined. She proposes that couples need to develop their own cellphone philosophy—understanding when digital engagement represents harmful disengagement versus necessary “nothing box” downtime, and openly discussing these differing perspectives to reduce relational distress.
Key Points
Main Takeaways
Judgment Reveals Personal Values
Earnshaw’s immediate criticism of phone-using couples reflected her own unexamined beliefs rather than objective relationship problems.
Connection Takes Many Forms
Couples using phones simultaneously can still demonstrate intimacy through shared content, physical touch, and caring gestures.
Context Matters Critically
Phone use during active parenting or when dishes need doing differs fundamentally from scrolling during mutual downtime.
Couples Need Personal Philosophy
Partners must articulate their individual beliefs about digital engagement to understand what each experiences as hurtful disengagement.
Common Therapy Complaint
Cellphone distraction ranks among the most frequent issues couples raise in therapy, though the problem rarely gets properly defined.
Mindlessness Isn’t Always Harmful
Sometimes “nothing box” time—disconnected, lazy scrolling without reflection—serves as necessary mental rest rather than relationship avoidance.
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Article Analysis
Breaking Down the Elements
Main Idea
Nuanced Digital Boundaries
Cellphone use in relationships isn’t inherently problematic—the real issue lies in unexamined assumptions and lack of communication about digital boundaries. Couples need to develop personalized philosophies about when phone engagement represents harmful disengagement versus acceptable downtime, moving beyond simplistic “phones bad” narratives that ignore context and individual relationship needs.
Purpose
Challenge Assumptions, Invite Dialogue
Earnshaw aims to help readers recognize their automatic judgments about technology use and prompt thoughtful conversations between partners. By sharing her own evolution from judgment to understanding, she encourages couples to examine their “one-size-fits-all” beliefs and develop conscious agreements that reflect their unique relationship dynamics rather than cultural expectations.
Structure
Narrative → Reflective → Prescriptive
The piece opens with vivid vacation observations that establish the ubiquity of phone use, transitions into self-reflective questioning about the author’s own biases and reactions, then concludes with practical therapeutic guidance. This movement from concrete anecdote through personal insight to actionable advice mirrors the journey she wants readers to take—from automatic judgment to conscious understanding.
Tone
Conversational, Self-Aware & Non-Judgmental
Earnshaw writes with refreshing honesty about her own contradictions and judgments, creating an accessible tone that invites reader identification rather than defensiveness. Her humor (“I observe. That’s what I do.”) and vulnerability about hypocrisy establish credibility while her therapeutic expertise provides gentle authority without condescension.
Key Terms
Vocabulary from the Article
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Tough Words
Challenging Vocabulary
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Made a disapproving sound or expressed disapproval through clicking one’s tongue, often in response to behavior considered improper.
“I tut-tutted in my head and went about finishing my drink.”
Small, often tent-like structures or shelters typically found at beaches or pools, providing shade and privacy for relaxation.
“I was overlooking a dozen beach cabanas filled with a dozen or so couples.”
General terms or beliefs applied broadly to cover many situations, often used to avoid detailed thinking about specific contexts.
“These beliefs then become catch-alls. In order to reserve energy, we lean into them time and time again.”
To examine or analyze something carefully by separating its components or layers to understand it more deeply.
“I think I will need to peel this apart in a future newsletter.”
Entry points or means of access that lead to discovering or understanding deeper concepts, feelings, or ideas.
“Should and shouldn’t are often gateways to our deeper, often unspoken, philosophies.”
Spending time in a relaxed, idle manner without engaging in purposeful or productive activity; lounging casually.
“Not in any reflective, hard work type of way—but in the disconnected, lazing about, type of way.”
Reading Comprehension
Test Your Understanding
5 questions covering different RC question types
1According to the article, Earnshaw consistently avoided using her phone during the vacation, demonstrating superior self-control compared to other couples.
2What shift in perspective does Earnshaw experience by the end of her observations?
3Which sentence best captures Earnshaw’s main therapeutic recommendation for couples struggling with phone use conflicts?
4Evaluate these statements based on the article:
Earnshaw observed that couples using phones could still demonstrate caring behaviors toward each other.
The article suggests that couples should establish a complete ban on phone use when together.
Earnshaw acknowledges that her judgments about others’ phone use reflected her own unexamined beliefs.
Select True or False for all three statements, then click “Check Answers”
5Based on the article, what can we infer about Earnshaw’s view of the relationship between judgment and self-awareness?
FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
“Nothing box time” refers to periods when people need to mentally disengage—not through deep reflection or productive activity, but through disconnected, mindless relaxation. Earnshaw contrasts this with reflective “hard work” time, suggesting that sometimes scrolling through phones serves as this kind of necessary mental downtime rather than harmful avoidance of connection. She argues we shouldn’t always need to be connecting with others or even with ourselves in meaningful ways.
Earnshaw explains that when we judge others’ behavior without truly understanding their context, those judgments typically reflect our own values and assumptions rather than objective problems. Her initial criticism of phone-using couples revealed her personal belief that phone use “symbolizes disengagement.” However, she had constructed this symbolic meaning herself—the couples didn’t appear distressed, and she recognized she’d behave similarly if her phone worked. This realization prompted her to examine where her judgments actually originated.
A cellphone philosophy represents an individual’s beliefs about appropriate phone use in relationships. Earnshaw suggests identifying your philosophy by completing phrases like “Couples should…” or “Couples shouldn’t…” regarding phone use—these “should” statements often reveal deeper, unspoken beliefs. Partners should then share their philosophies with each other to understand when phone use might be experienced as hurtful disengagement versus acceptable downtime. This understanding creates a foundation for conscious agreements rather than reactive conflicts.
Readlite provides curated articles with comprehensive analysis including summaries, key points, vocabulary building, and practice questions across 9 different RC question types. Our Ultimate Reading Course offers 365 articles with 2,400+ questions to systematically improve your reading comprehension skills.
This article is rated Intermediate level. While written in an accessible, conversational style, it requires readers to follow the author’s evolving perspective, understand abstract concepts like “symbolization” and “philosophy,” and grasp the nuanced argument that context determines whether behavior is problematic. The piece demands inference skills to recognize Earnshaw’s self-aware critique of her own contradictions and the ability to distinguish between surface judgments and deeper psychological insights about relationship dynamics.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in relationships (The Relationship Realist), Earnshaw brings professional expertise in couples dynamics while demonstrating refreshing personal vulnerability. Rather than taking an authoritative stance, she models the self-reflective process she recommends to clients—catching herself in judgment, questioning her assumptions, and revising her perspective based on observation. This combination of clinical experience with cellphone conflicts in therapy and honest examination of her own behavior creates credibility and accessibility.
The Ultimate Reading Course covers 9 RC question types: Multiple Choice, True/False, Multi-Statement T/F, Text Highlight, Fill in the Blanks, Matching, Sequencing, Error Spotting, and Short Answer. This comprehensive coverage prepares you for any reading comprehension format you might encounter.
