Cricket outcast
Why Read This
What Makes This Article Worth Your Time
Summary
What This Article Is About
Veteran Times of India columnist Jug Suraiya humorously confesses his status as a cricket outcast in a nation where enthusiasm for the sport is virtually equated with patriotism. He describes cricket (which he pointedly mispronounces as “kirkit”) as a “tiresome tedium” filled with catatonic somnolence punctuated by occasional dramatic gestures, finding the spectacle as exciting as watching a traffic light change colors.
Suraiya’s aversion provokes reactions ranging from astonishment to suspicions of being an anti-national subversive, with interrogators unable to fathom how anyone could dislike the game. He notes that even his cricket hatred can’t qualify him as a Pakistani infiltrator since Pakistan shares India’s cricket obsession. The piece ends with Suraiya wondering if he might find fellow cricket skeptics on a Dark Web site for those “Fanatical About Football” instead.
Key Points
Main Takeaways
Minority Status
Suraiya positions himself as part of a “minuscule minority” allergic to cricket in a country gripped by epidemic fever for the game.
Cricket as Patriotism
The article satirizes the cultural equation of supporting the Indian cricket team with national loyalty, making dissent seem subversive or anti-national.
Satirical Game Description
Suraiya employs elaborate mockery, describing cricket as “catatonic somnolence” interrupted by “gladiatorial gesticulations” with the drama of a changing traffic light.
Social Interrogation
Those who discover his aversion react with astonishment, righteous anger, and suspicion that he might be an “urban naxal” or seditious element.
Isolation and Secrecy
Suraiya acknowledges potential kindred spirits exist but remain hidden, keeping their “deviancy” closeted due to social pressure to conform to cricket enthusiasm.
Dark Web Fantasy
The piece concludes with humorous speculation about finding fellow skeptics on a Dark Web site for people “Fanatical About Football” instead of cricket.
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Article Analysis
Breaking Down the Elements
Main Idea
Dissent Against Cultural Conformity
The piece critiques how Indian society conflates cricket fandom with patriotism, creating intense social pressure to love the game. Suraiya’s confession of cricket aversion becomes a broader commentary on cultural conformity, where personal taste preferences are treated as markers of national loyalty. This matters because it exposes how sports enthusiasm becomes weaponized as a litmus test for belonging, marginalizing those whose preferences differ from the mainstream.
Purpose
Humorous Social Commentary
Suraiya writes to entertain while gently mocking cricket’s elevated status in Indian culture. Rather than a serious polemic, this is playful self-deprecation that simultaneously critiques the absurdity of treating sports preferences as indicators of patriotism. The purpose is to provide comic relief for fellow skeptics while highlighting the social costs of dissenting from dominant cultural narratives about what it means to be authentically Indian.
Structure
Confessional → Satirical Description → Social Reaction → Comic Speculation
The essay opens with Suraiya’s admission of being a cricket outcast before launching into elaborate satirical descriptions of the game’s tedium. It then shifts to documenting others’ shocked reactions and accusations of anti-nationalism, before concluding with the humorous Dark Web fantasy. This structure moves from personal confession through social commentary to absurdist speculation, building comedic momentum while making serious points about conformity pressure.
Tone
Playfully Satirical & Self-Deprecating
Suraiya adopts a mock-serious tone, treating his cricket aversion as a shameful pathology requiring confession. His elaborate vocabulary (“catatonic somnolence,” “gladiatorial gesticulations”) creates humorous contrast with the mundane subject. The tone is simultaneously self-mocking—positioning himself as a lonely outcast—and gently subversive, using exaggeration and wit to deflate cricket’s cultural importance without becoming preachy or bitter. It’s complaint disguised as comedy.
Key Terms
Vocabulary from the Article
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Tough Words
Challenging Vocabulary
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Characterized by a state of immobility, stupor, or unresponsiveness; originally a psychiatric term describing a condition of muscular rigidity and mental stupor.
“bouts of catatonic somnolence, both on the field and in the spectator stands”
A state of drowsiness or sleepiness; a condition of being half-asleep or inclined to sleep, often suggesting lethargy or dullness.
“bouts of catatonic somnolence, both on the field and in the spectator stands”
Scattered or distributed at intervals among other things; placed here and there among other elements or at regular or irregular intervals.
“are interspersed at periodic intervals with volcanic upheavals”
Resembling or characteristic of ancient Roman gladiators; involving combat, conflict, or aggressive displays of physical prowess and competitive spirit.
“war whoops, fist pumping, chest thumping, and similar gladiatorial gesticulations”
Energetic or dramatic gestures made with the hands or body to emphasize speech or express emotion; animated physical movements used for communication.
“fist pumping, chest thumping, and similar gladiatorial gesticulations”
A person who secretly enters or becomes established in an organization, place, or group, typically to gain confidential information or influence from within.
“I might even be a Pakistani infiltrator, except that Pakistan is as crazy about cricket”
Reading Comprehension
Test Your Understanding
5 questions covering different RC question types
1Suraiya believes Pakistan’s love of cricket proves he could be a Pakistani infiltrator.
2How does Suraiya characterize cricket in his description?
3Which sentence best captures how others react to Suraiya’s cricket aversion?
4Evaluate these statements about Suraiya’s writing style and approach:
Suraiya uses elaborate, formal vocabulary like “catatonic somnolence” and “gladiatorial gesticulations” to mock cricket’s perceived importance.
The article presents a serious, angry denunciation of cricket and demands others stop watching the sport.
Suraiya compares watching cricket to watching a traffic light change colors to emphasize how boring he finds it.
Select True or False for all three statements, then click “Check Answers”
5Why does Suraiya suggest others who share his cricket aversion might keep their “deviancy” hidden “in the closet of secrecy”?
FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
Suraiya finds cricket excruciatingly boring—a “tiresome tedium” consisting mainly of “catatonic somnolence” interrupted only occasionally by dramatic moments. More significantly, he objects to how cricket enthusiasm has become conflated with patriotism in Indian culture, creating social pressure to love the game or face suspicion of being anti-national. His complaint is as much about cultural conformity as about the sport itself.
The deliberate mispronunciation “kirkit” serves as a distancing technique and subtle mockery. By pronouncing it differently, Suraiya emphasizes how the modern game bears only “the remotest of resemblances to the game played on village greens in a long-vanished England.” The altered pronunciation signals his refusal to treat the sport with the reverence others demand, while also suggesting the Indian version has become something entirely different from its origins.
The Dark Web joke—imagining he’d need to access hidden internet spaces to find people “Fanatical About Football” instead of cricket—humorously exaggerates his isolation while making a serious point. It suggests cricket dissent is so culturally taboo that fellow skeptics would only gather in secretive, underground spaces typically associated with illegal activity. The reference playfully treats cricket aversion as socially transgressive as actual crimes, satirizing the intensity of conformity pressure he faces.
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This article is rated Intermediate because it employs sophisticated vocabulary (“catatonic somnolence,” “gladiatorial gesticulations”) and satirical techniques requiring readers to recognize irony and exaggeration. While the core argument is straightforward—expressing cricket aversion in India invites social suspicion—understanding requires grasping cultural context about sports nationalism, recognizing humor in elaborate descriptions, and interpreting metaphorical language like the “closet of secrecy.” The piece rewards careful attention to tone and wordplay without demanding expert-level analysis.
No—the article is playful confession, not prescriptive manifesto. Suraiya positions himself as a harmless minority outsider, not a reformer demanding change. His self-deprecating tone (“plough my lonely furrow”) and humorous exaggerations show he’s venting frustration and seeking fellow skeptics rather than converting cricket fans. The target of his critique is the social pressure to conform and the equation of sports preference with patriotism, not people’s right to enjoy cricket itself.
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